Bad News

This is Erlinda Fausto.

But I never knew her as a young woman. For me she was simply Grandma, or Grandma Linda. This is who Erlinda Fausto was to me.

She was there for me my whole life. Always smiling, hugging, and protecting me. 

 Like gravity, her love was a constant, so I never thought twice about it. 

She was there for every birthday and special event that I can remember. 

The last time special event she came to was my college graduation. My parents tell me that she was very proud.

For twenty-one years of my life, she watched me grow up. She saw all the stages of my life, the crying infant, the adorable child, the awkward teenager, and finally the young man. I still remember how it felt when I hugged her on that humid night. It was May 17th.

My grandmother died twelve days later. At the time, I had just arrived in China. She departed while I was halfway around the world. My parents decided it was best not to tell me until I got back. While in China, Caiqian and I bought her a handheld sewing device because she loved sewing so much. We didn't know that by then it had already been too late.

By the time I arrived back in the USA, my grandma had already had her funeral and was cremated. On my first day back, my dad drove me, still unaware, to my grandparents house. I was told that my grandma was waiting for me. There he told me the bad news.

I then saw grandma, waiting for me in a cremation vase in her bedroom. Seeing her in such a small space made me very sad. As part of my final goodbye, I showed her the handheld sewing device we bought for her in China. It pains me to know that she'll never get to use it. I'm still coping with that. How can I ever recover from losing someone I've loved so much? What am I supposed to do, how should I act, what should I feel?
I don't know. All I know is that I'm glad to have known someone who truly embodied love.

Goodbye Grandma. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you like you were for me. I'll keep you alive in my thoughts. Always.